I'm getting ready to start my new position tomorrow and have been "feeling guilty" for not being a stay at home mom. I have a lot of feelings on this subject. I know in my heart that I'm a good mom, but it's hard to be away from Jaxon during the day. I'm not the first thing that he sees when he gets home from school and I wish I could be there to hear all about his day. I usually ask him him how his day went or what happened at school, but because it's usually six o'clock and dinner time, the response is usually, "I don't know", or "good".
I know that Jaxon is well taken care of while I'm at work, but the worry never goes away. I dedicate part of each night with him just to talk, play games, and have some good one on one time. I love him so much. Being a working mom has been pretty much a necessity for our family. It's not necessarily a bad thing, it's just reality. I now realize that even if we can or will have other children, that work for me will be a reality and that I will have to step things up. I learned this summer more than ever that I need to put my shoulder to the wheel and get things going with my career again. The caveat - How to balance work life, with family life, with being a mom & wife, with church, and service, and the needed "alone time". I try to do the best that I can. Some days I fall short, and other days I'm just completely selfish, but none the less what all these days have in common is my ever lasting love for my little Jaxon. I know that as I teach him to chose the right, to be a good citizen, and to be true to himself and to Heavenly Father that all will be well.
3 comments:
If it's any consolation...I stay home and each day when I pick up my oldest (2nd grader) from school and ask him how it was...it's usually "good". There's not a lot of talk about his day regarding what happened at school. I get what you mean though...I worked for a few years and had him in the care of others...nothing else was harder. In the long run, you are doing the best you can to provide the best life you can to him and even though it's hard, I'm sure that he knows what a fabulous mom you are and loves you even more for working so hard!
How lucky we are to have a Savior who makes up for any shortcoming, whether it is a shortage in our abilities or a shortage in time, energy, etc. You are such a good mom and are doing everything you can to be the best mom, so you don't need to worry. Like you said, you are teaching him many important things, and you do spend time with him each evening. He knows you love him. You do your best, and the Savior does the rest.
Good luck in your new position!!
Life definitely isn't always what you want it to be. But as long as you are doing your best and doing what needs to be done, then you're doing good!! You are awesome Ang, and Jaxon is very, very lucky to have you as his mom!
You better call me when you come down! Are all of you coming or just you? Would you want to BBQ or ?
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